Dumb headlines thread

[O Really]

Good point, but even with identical strip centers, restaurants, and cookie-cutter houses, Traverse City MI isn't remotely like Arizona in the context of retiring there. And neither is Chattanooga.

[Vrede too]

Mom in labor walks to hospital on foot in viral TikTok after car breaks down
Her husband apparently forgot to fill up the car with gas—WHOOPS.

Two-fer!
Is there some way to walk other than "on foot"?
Is running out of gas "breaks down"?

[O Really]

‘It was extraordinary’: McConnell praises Schumer’s antisemitism speech

His "antisemitism" speech? Really?

Or maybe...

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) praised Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) after hearing Schumer’s speech that condemned antisemitism.

[Vrede too]

‘It was extraordinary’: McConnell praises Schumer’s antisemitism speech

His "antisemitism" speech? Really?

Or maybe...

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) praised Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) after hearing Schumer’s speech that condemned antisemitism.

Ftr, it's CNN
https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/202 ... ch-vpx.cnn

If space is an issue, the tiniest of edits:
‘It was extraordinary’: McConnell praises Schumer’s anti-antisemitism speech

[O Really]

"Sam Altman says his iPhone broke after being fired from OpenAI because it was overwhelmed with messages"

Damn, fire the hard-working phone, eh?

[Vrede too]

"Sam Altman says his iPhone broke after being fired from OpenAI because it was overwhelmed with messages"

Damn, fire the hard-working phone, eh?

If it can be broken by too many messages, maybe it should be fired.


Nostradamus' predications for 2024

I predicate that List Wire will hire a literate headline editor.

[O Really]

Maybe not dumb, but misleading, probably intentionally.

"Mom vanished leaving date 11 years ago, Florida group says. Body found near Disney World"

Sure, if you count 15 miles away as "near Disney World." The article does say near an exit for Disney World, but this particular exit appears to be on 441 South, which is how you'd get to Kissimmee.

Probably a DeSantis fan writer.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/mom-vanished ... 00943.html

[O Really]

"New Hampshire Debate Doubts: Nikki Haley Signals That She Will Only Participate in Next Two Events Unless Donald Trump Does"

The article got the phrasing right - so it was probably just edit glitch, but still...

[Vrede too]

"New Hampshire Debate Doubts: Nikki Haley Signals That She Will Only Participate in Next Two Events Unless Donald Trump Does"

The article got the phrasing right - so it was probably just edit glitch, but still...

Looks like most sites have fixed it, but I'm interested in the subject.

Haley says she won’t debate unless Trump is on stage
“I won’t snub New Hampshire voters like both Nikki Haley and Donald Trump, and plan to honor my commitments,” DeSantis said in response.

I wonder what Nikki Heat's strategic thinking is. She wipes the floor with Fascist DerSantis according to most analysts and this gives him a talking point about her supposed "cowardice". It's not like Dolt .45 will show up and she wouldn't get Joltin' Joe unless she wins the nomination, which she won't.

[O Really]

She probably wants to try to dampen the "race for second" narrative.

[Vrede too]

She probably wants to try to dampen the "race for second" narrative.

Ah, but how does bailing on the only NH debate help her win NH?

[O Really]

She probably wants to try to dampen the "race for second" narrative.

Ah, but how does bailing on the only NH debate help her win NH?

Guess: She's thinking the creatively-called "debate" wouldn't be that determinative in voter choices and that DeSantis is dislikeable enough that even if he turned the ummm "debate" into a monologue it would do more harm to him than good.

[Vrede too]

She probably wants to try to dampen the "race for second" narrative.

Ah, but how does bailing on the only NH debate help her win NH?

Guess: She's thinking the creatively-called "debate" wouldn't be that determinative in voter choices and that DeSantis is dislikeable enough that even if he turned the ummm "debate" into a monologue it would do more harm to him than good.

Yeah, I thought of that second part, especially if he still has to answer questions. However, I suspect CNN will just cancel.

[Vrede too]

Guess: She's thinking the creatively-called "debate" wouldn't be that determinative in voter choices and that DeSantis is dislikeable enough that even if he turned the ummm "debate" into a monologue it would do more harm to him than good.

Yeah, I thought of that second part, especially if he still has to answer questions. However, I suspect CNN will just cancel.

Nailed it. I think the Wiki article says CNN, but anyhow:

ABC News cancels New Hampshire Republican primary debate

Nikki Heat may figure that a couple or more of appearances will do her more good than stomping Fasicst DerSantis would have, regardless of his whining about her exit.

[Vrede too]

Woman bitten by brown snake hiding in bed (video)

Wouldn't going to a hospital be a better option?

[Vrede too]

Woman Falls Into Dumpster, Gets Compacted Inside Trash Truck
A New Hampshire fire department says the victim fell into a dumpster while throwing out her garbage, and landed inside a trash truck that compacted the contents.

She's dead, right? Nope, clickbait "minor injuries" and you have to watch the video to learn that

[O Really]

Woman Falls Into Dumpster, Gets Compacted Inside Trash Truck
A New Hampshire fire department says the victim fell into a dumpster while throwing out her garbage, and landed inside a trash truck that compacted the contents.

She's dead, right? Nope, clickbait "minor injuries" and you have to watch the video to learn that

I've tossed a lot of stuff into a dumpster and have never been in danger of falling in. Never saw anybody else putting stuff in a dumpster and came close to falling in. Don't even know how you could get to a point where you could fall in without climbing up to the edge or stick your head way into the door past your waist. I'd say she was doing more shopping than tossing out.

[O Really]

"Gavin Newsom overrules California parole board that wanted to free gang member who murdered minister early"

Gang rule #27: No minister shall be murdered before his time.

[Vrede too]

"Gavin Newsom overrules California parole board that wanted to free gang member who murdered minister early"

Gang rule #27: No minister shall be murdered before his time.

Or, Gang rule #27: No minister shall be murdered before 10 am.

Even taken at face value their poor syntax remains confusing.

[Vrede too]

More clickbait :

Massive sea creature with over 3,000 teeth seen in ‘rare’ Australia visit, video shows

Whale sharks have tiny teeth, are filter feeders and are harmless to humans.