Can't make this (stuff) up

[Vrede too]

Fake news is relentless:

NOT REAL NEWS: A look at what didn't happen this week


Authors are assholes, readers are uber-gullible.

[neoplacebo]

Meanwhile, in other headlines.....

FUCKING LEGALIZED

ANIMAL IN TROUBLE AGAIN

ENTIRE TOWN SINKS INTO SCUM PIT

[Vrede too]

I get a strong Wile E. Coyote vibe out of this:

Woman appears to have huffed cans of air in car before explosion blew out windows, police say

Police in Sturbridge, Massachusetts, said they responded to a call about a vehicle explosion on Charlton Road around 3:50 p.m. on Saturday.

When emergency crews arrived, they said they found a car with all the glass blown out and all four doors open but still attached.

Firefighters reported that they found a woman with minor injuries, whom they treated at the scene....

The investigation remained ongoing as of Wednesday, but police said it was suspected that the woman may have been in the car with the windows closed huffing cans of compressed air. She then attempted to light a cigarette....

Was there a wisp of smoke curling up from her hair, too?
(beep-beep)

[Vrede too]

Far-Right Snowflakes Just Cannot Get Over This ‘Woke’ Razor Company

Okay, fuck the hateful bigoted crybabies, but I'm most struck by the news that I can buy a Harry Razor.

[Vrede too]

Meanwhile, in other headlines.....

FUCKING LEGALIZED

ANIMAL IN TROUBLE AGAIN

ENTIRE TOWN SINKS INTO SCUM PIT

Speaking of fucking animals in trouble and scum pits . . .

Ann Coulter Calls CPAC Leader a 'Groomer' After Sexual Misconduct Claims

Sad for the victims, but otherwise .

[Vrede too]

(Michigan) Woman accused of trying to use 'rent a hitman' website to have her ex-husband killed for $5,000




In an exclusive Independent interview 32 year old Wendy Wein whined that her ex-husband called her "ugly and stupid".

When he's right, he's right.

Another one, too stupid to recognize parody, too stupid to google 'rentahitman.com':

Florida mom accused of trying to hire hitman to kill her 3-year-old son



Two people have been charged in an alleged murder plot after a mother tried to hire a hitman online to kill her 3-year-old son using a parody website, according to court records from Florida.

... The parody website has garnered national headlines before.

In April, an Air National Guardsman was charged with applying to be a hitman. Josiah Ernesto Garcia applied on the website and submitted identification and a résumé, according to the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Middle District of Tennessee.

The website was created in 2005 to advertise a cybersecurity startup. But when it failed, it would get inquiries for hitman services. It was then converted to a parody site with false testimonials from users, according to a criminal complaint in Garcia’s case.

Josiah Ernesto Garcia. Josiah Garcia via Facebook

Hat trick! Give rentahitman a medal.

[Vrede too]

Death by Yoga :

Yoga Class Mistaken for 'Mass Killing,' Report Made with 'Best Intentions,' Police Say
The incident took place at the North Sea Observatory's Seascape Cafe in Chapel St. Leonards, Lincolnshire

Seascape Cafe - NSO

Good Morning
So last night….
If any one heard the mass of police sirens in Chapel St Leonard’s at 9:30pm last night then please be reassured….
They were on their way to the Observatory after someone had reported a mass killing in our building. Having seen several people laying on the floor….
Which actually turned out to be the Yoga Class in meditation
Thank you to Lincolnshire Police for their prompt response. I can’t imagine for one moment what would have being going through their minds on the way….
Dear General Public, please be mindful that the Observatory has lots of Yoga classes happening in the evenings. We are not part of any mad cult or crazy clubs.
All in all this situation turned out positive and we are of course grateful
Have a great day you guys, it’s going to be a belter!
Seascape

More pics at links.
https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=771 ... 8138298173

Good point. It would be bad enough getting that dispatch in the US. I can't imagine in England. Fta:

... "I feel really bad for whoever the person was who [phoned police] that would, of course, have been terrifying. So I do feel for them," she said. "But at the same time, you've got to see the lighter side of it."

Laws told the outlet that the class consisted of seven students and recalls seeing "two dog walkers peering closely through the glass window."

"I didn't know until after we left that these people phoned in saying that there was a mass murderer; they were wearing a robe and they were walking over all of the people, and it looked like some kind of ritual, and that the people on the floor were actually dead," she added.

Another good point. Dog walking will never be the same.

So, you’re saying by the time police arrived the pod people had already taken over the bodies. hmmm.

thank you for making us all die with laughter

Namaste' Ya'll!

Oh my god

Whoops

Oh blimey!!!

[Vrede too]

'Times Have Changed': People Are Sharing Things That Were Normal In The '90s And '00s But Are Now Considered A Luxury
"Household products that don't break within the first few years of use. My mom's wedding cookware is still going strong 25 years later, but whenever she needs new pans, they start flaking Teflon into the food within a few months."

It's possible to quibble with or explain individual entries, but still . . .
Examples:

"Not being expected to be reachable 24/7."

"Concert ticket prices."

"Legroom on an airplane."

[GoCubsGo]

Owning the software you purchased.

How about owning a computer?

[Vrede too]

Owning the software you purchased.

How about owning a computer?

Has that become more of a luxury since the '90s And '00s?

[Vrede too]

Incredible double rainbow towers over New York on anniversary of 9/11 (video)

Inner rainbow: Full arc, street to street.

[Vrede too]

Winning the lottery is presumably as exciting for the individual wherever s/he is, but imagine owning a tiny store 6 miles from the interstate in a tiny town (pop 2600), presumably with a tiny net income. Ka-ching, "The store will receive a $1 million reward for selling the lucky ticket."

$1.765 billion Powerball jackpot goes to a player who bought a ticket in a California mountain town



Woohoo. The only issue is that it should be even more on a $1.765 billion payout.

[Vrede too]

Ohio woman charged with 'serial killings' allegedly met men for sex before fatally drugging them

An Ohio woman was charged in connection to the deaths of at least four men she had met for sex, authorities said, in what could be a burgeoning serial killer case.

Rebecca Auborn, 33, is accused robbing and fatally drugging victims on Jan. 15, April 1, April 13 and June 17 this year, according to joint statement about the "serial killings" by Attorney General

and Columbus Police Chief Elaine Bryant.

The indictment also includes allegations she robbed and tried to fatally drug a man on Dec. 13 last year.

“Don’t buy sex in Ohio — it ruins lives and could cost you yours,” Yost said in the statement....

It's been a hard 33 years:



Wait, men paid her for sex???

[O Really]

Wait, she's 33?

[Vrede too]

Wait, she's 33?

Schizophrenic guy reports own car stolen to the police because "the suspect wanted to get in a high-speed chase with them for whatever reason".
https://theautowire.com/2023/08/27/car- ... n-himself/

... the guy accelerated to almost 120 mph in a stunt that could’ve easily proved fatal for him, the deputies, or innocent bystanders.

That’s why deputies decided to PIT the fleeing vehicle ...

Opps.

[Vrede too]

Cheers! A bottle of Scotch whisky sells for a record $2.7 million at auction

I'm outraged. Think of how many needy homeless drunks could be supplied for a year with cheap wine for $2.7 million

[billy.pilgrim]

Cheers! A bottle of Scotch whisky sells for a record $2.7 million at auction

I'm outraged. Think of how many needy homeless drunks could be supplied for a year with cheap wine for $2.7 million

But if it weren’t for all those greedy poor people and their taking, it might have brought over 5 million.

[Vrede too]

Cheers! A bottle of Scotch whisky sells for a record $2.7 million at auction

I'm outraged. Think of how many needy homeless drunks could be supplied for a year with cheap wine for $2.7 million

But if it weren’t for all those greedy poor people and their taking, it might have brought over 5 million.

Good point. Bastards.

Napoleon's hat sells for record sum at French auction

I'm outraged. Think of how many short and needy homeless with Napoleon complexes could be supplied with thrift store winter beanies for $2.1 million



Don't even get me started on what high end leopard print pants are selling for these days.

[O Really]

Ok, so I know some might bash me for this, but I find it weird that the "Miss Universe" contest now includes fat chicks "plus size" and re-manufactured transgender women as contestants.

Fine, so "beauty contests' are sexist, misogynist, exploitive demeaning relics of the past maybe, and they want to be "inclusive' whatever. So think up another competitive event. Scrap the bathing suit and catwalk, make them answer why so many people in the US can't read or whatever, but this is like letting sushi compete in a barbeque cook-off. Sushi is great, but it isn't barbeque. Not even if you pour barbeque sauce over it. Not even if you try to make it smoked.

https://www.boredpanda.com/miss-univers ... ored+Panda

[billy.pilgrim]

Ok, so I know some might bash me for this, but I find it weird that the "Miss Universe" contest now includes fat chicks "plus size" and re-manufactured transgender women as contestants.

Fine, so "beauty contests' are sexist, misogynist, exploitive demeaning relics of the past maybe, and they want to be "inclusive' whatever. So think up another competitive event. Scrap the bathing suit and catwalk, make them answer why so many people in the US can't read or whatever, but this is like letting sushi compete in a barbeque cook-off. Sushi is great, but it isn't barbeque. Not even if you pour barbeque sauce over it. Not even if you try to make it smoked.

https://www.boredpanda.com/miss-univers ... ored+Panda

Caught off guard, you made me spit coffee.