Puns for Educated Minds

[.Oomba.]

What's the square root of 69?

Eight something.

[O Really]

Jest for the pun of it, pun for all and all for pun!
Richard Lederer Lederer on Language

A month ago, I invited you, my punderful readers, to submit your best original preys on words. Within hours, a punami of more than 50 original puns poured in, and by the deadline for submission, I swam in a torrent of more than 200. From start to finish, every day was Punday.
Such a response demonstrates that a good pun is its own reword. Here’s a sample of the top puns. I’ve posted a lot more on my website: www.verbivore.com. Let’s get right to wit:

After my dinner date with Bo Derek, my cannibal co-workers at the electronics lab said, “You know, that was attenuate.”
— Erik Hanson, South Park

Letting those darned seals overpopulate down at the Children’s Pool really defeats the porpoise!
— Todd Hoover, La Jolla

What do you call a waffle at the beach? A Sandy Eggo.
— Bryant Berk, Normal Heights

The new movie with Harrison Ford about the love life of a misplaced garden tool is titled “Ardors of the Lost Rake.”
— Michael Punaro, Encinitas

Sometime in the late 1980s, I was covering the Masters golf tournament for the Union, sports columnist Barry Lorge at my side. As we worked on our stories, Barry suddenly asked, “How do you spell cirrhosis ?” I answered, possibly correctly, and added, “In these fast-paced, deadline-pressured circumstances, it can be helpful if you just stop to spell cirrhosis .”
— Hank Wesch, La Mesa

Did you hear about the Boy Scout who started a business fixing broken car horns? He called it Beep Repaired. — Patrick Elms, Carmel Valley

A doughnut baker bemoaning his girth lamented, “ I can’t believe I ate the hole thing. I should cut down this roll around the middle.”
— Linda Gross, Carlsbad

A mycologist wanted to add to her mushroom collection, but due to spore planning, it was such a sporgasbord, there wasn’t mushroom for anything new.
— Claudia Lopez, Oceanside

A doctor insisted on stitching up his own wound. The nurse said, “Suture self.” — Christopher Boyle,
Glendale, Ariz.

What did one Neanderthal say to the other regarding a misunderstanding about the local flora? “Him peach meant.” — Dawne Adam, National City

What’s the difference between me and garbage? Garbage gets taken out once a week.
— Mary Jo Crowley, Escondido

Did you hear about the swami who was in a fender bender? He was having an auto-body experience. — Tim Hart, Carlsbad

Even though baseball players are on furlough, umpires are still working from home. — Doug Miller, La Jolla

Why did the ghost win the pie-eating contest? Because he was the best at goblin it up.
— Lara Hardin, Escondido

Why didn’t my husband go outside when he got dizzy? Because he didn’t know vertigo.
— Vee Weaver Roebuck, Kearny Mesa

What do you call a one-of-a-kind trumpet? A unicorn (unique horn). — John Silcox, Serra Mesa

I bird-proofed my home. Now it’s impeccable.
— Matt Strabone, North Park

Hurrying to get to the airport on time, Giovanni backed his Alfa Romeo out of his garage and drove over his suitcase containing his clothes.

Anguished, he shouted, “Mama mia! I have a flat attire!”
— Howard Crabtree, Coronado

All this social distancing has given me an inferiority complex. Staying at home used to be enough, but now I have to go hide in abasement! — Andy Tao, Los Alamitos

I attempted to eat a clock the other day. It was really time consuming.
— Carl P. Hennrich, Encinitas

I’m a very skeptical person. The doctor recently told me that I needed a diet that was low in sodium. I took the advice with a grain of salt.
— Abraham Perez, San Ysidro

One man’s meat is another man’s poisson .
— Judith Leggett, Escondido

Why did the former vice president have to give up dancing? Because he couldn’t find his Al Gore rhythm. — Ren Halloran, Rancho Bernardo

When the HOV lane goes underground, it becomes a carpool tunnel. —Peter Lawson, Carmel Mountain Ranch

Please send your questions and comments
about language to richardhlederer@gmail.com website: www.verbivore.com.

[Vrede too]

Jest for the pun of it, pun for all and all for pun! ...

I never liked puns and now my distaste for them has groan.

[.Oomba.]

Many men have delusions of glandeur.

[Ulysses]

Jest for the pun of it, pun for all and all for pun!
Richard Lederer Lederer on Language

A month ago, I invited you, my punderful readers, to submit your best original preys on words. Within hours, a punami of more than 50 original puns poured in, and by the deadline for submission, I swam in a torrent of more than 200. From start to finish, every day was Punday.
Such a response demonstrates that a good pun is its own reword. Here’s a sample of the top puns. I’ve posted a lot more on my website: www.verbivore.com. Let’s get right to wit:

After my dinner date with Bo Derek, my cannibal co-workers at the electronics lab said, “You know, that was attenuate.”
— Erik Hanson, South Park

Letting those darned seals overpopulate down at the Children’s Pool really defeats the porpoise!
— Todd Hoover, La Jolla

What do you call a waffle at the beach? A Sandy Eggo.
— Bryant Berk, Normal Heights

The new movie with Harrison Ford about the love life of a misplaced garden tool is titled “Ardors of the Lost Rake.”
— Michael Punaro, Encinitas

Sometime in the late 1980s, I was covering the Masters golf tournament for the Union, sports columnist Barry Lorge at my side. As we worked on our stories, Barry suddenly asked, “How do you spell cirrhosis ?” I answered, possibly correctly, and added, “In these fast-paced, deadline-pressured circumstances, it can be helpful if you just stop to spell cirrhosis .”
— Hank Wesch, La Mesa

Did you hear about the Boy Scout who started a business fixing broken car horns? He called it Beep Repaired. — Patrick Elms, Carmel Valley

A doughnut baker bemoaning his girth lamented, “ I can’t believe I ate the hole thing. I should cut down this roll around the middle.”
— Linda Gross, Carlsbad

A mycologist wanted to add to her mushroom collection, but due to spore planning, it was such a sporgasbord, there wasn’t mushroom for anything new.
— Claudia Lopez, Oceanside

A doctor insisted on stitching up his own wound. The nurse said, “Suture self.” — Christopher Boyle,
Glendale, Ariz.

What did one Neanderthal say to the other regarding a misunderstanding about the local flora? “Him peach meant.” — Dawne Adam, National City

What’s the difference between me and garbage? Garbage gets taken out once a week.
— Mary Jo Crowley, Escondido

Did you hear about the swami who was in a fender bender? He was having an auto-body experience. — Tim Hart, Carlsbad

Even though baseball players are on furlough, umpires are still working from home. — Doug Miller, La Jolla

Why did the ghost win the pie-eating contest? Because he was the best at goblin it up.
— Lara Hardin, Escondido

Why didn’t my husband go outside when he got dizzy? Because he didn’t know vertigo.
— Vee Weaver Roebuck, Kearny Mesa

What do you call a one-of-a-kind trumpet? A unicorn (unique horn). — John Silcox, Serra Mesa

I bird-proofed my home. Now it’s impeccable.
— Matt Strabone, North Park

Hurrying to get to the airport on time, Giovanni backed his Alfa Romeo out of his garage and drove over his suitcase containing his clothes.

Anguished, he shouted, “Mama mia! I have a flat attire!”
— Howard Crabtree, Coronado

All this social distancing has given me an inferiority complex. Staying at home used to be enough, but now I have to go hide in abasement! — Andy Tao, Los Alamitos

I attempted to eat a clock the other day. It was really time consuming.
— Carl P. Hennrich, Encinitas

I’m a very skeptical person. The doctor recently told me that I needed a diet that was low in sodium. I took the advice with a grain of salt.
— Abraham Perez, San Ysidro

One man’s meat is another man’s poisson .
— Judith Leggett, Escondido

Why did the former vice president have to give up dancing? Because he couldn’t find his Al Gore rhythm. — Ren Halloran, Rancho Bernardo

When the HOV lane goes underground, it becomes a carpool tunnel. —Peter Lawson, Carmel Mountain Ranch

Please send your questions and comments
about language to richardhlederer@gmail.com website: www.verbivore.com.

Those are fantastic!

Thanks for sharing!

(and all the better that Vrede dislikes them!)